This is taken from www.mencanstoprape.org, a great informational site with many free resources. Check it out!

What to do if someone you know is raped. When someone says, “I was raped”:

1. Believe the person. It is not your role to question whether a rape occurred, but to be there to ease the pain.

2. Help the person explore the options. Don’t take charge of the situation and pressure rape survivors to do what you think they should do. That’s what the rapist did. Give them the freedom to choose a path of recovery that is comfortable for them, even if you’d do it differently. Remember, there is no one right way for a survivor to respond after being assaulted.

3. Listen to the person. It is critical that you let survivors in your lives to know that they can talk to you about their experience when they are ready. Some may not wish to speak with you immediately, but at some point during the healing process, it is likely that they will come to you for support. When that happens, don’t interrupt, or yell, or inject your feelings. Just open your ears to the pain of being raped. Your caring but silent attention will be invaluable.

4. Ask before you touch. Don’t assume that physical contact, even in a form of a gentle hug, will be comforting to survivors. Many survivors, especially within the first 5 weeks after assault, prefer to avoid sex or simple touching even with those they love and trust. Be patient and give them the space they need, and try your best not to take it personally. One way to signal to survivors that you are ready to offer physical comfort is to sit with an open posture and a hand palm up nearby.

5. Recognize that you have been assaulted, too. We can’t help but be hurt when someone we love is made to suffer. Don’t blame yourself for the many feelings you will likely have in response to learning that someone close to you has been raped. Sadness, confusion, anger, helplessness, fear, guilt, disappointment, shock, anxiety, desperation, compassion–all are common reactions for survivors and their significant others. Awareness of these emotions may ultimately help you to better understand survivors’ experiences and support them more effectively.

6. Never blame them for being assaulted. No one ever deserves to be raped–no matter what they wore, how many times they had sex before, if they were walking alone at night, if they got drunk, if they were married, or if they went to the perpetrator’s room. Even if survivors feel responsible, say clearly and caringly that being raped wasn’t their fault.

7. Get help for yourself. Whether you reach out to a friend, family member, counselor, religious official, or whomever, make sure you don’t go through the experience alone. Most rape crisis centers offer counseling for significant others and family members because they realize that the impact of rape extends far beyond the survivors. Keeping your feelings inside will only make you less able to be there for the survivors. Remember, getting help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Take Back the Night
by Suzanne E. Morse

Flickering light dances upon our faces.
Shadows conceal our wet tears.
Our Candles burn steadily.
Hope peaks through the darkness.
Flowers – blood red, yellow, white – each a victim – fill a  field.
Too numerous to count.
Words on signs tell the story of how violent and callous we are.
Faceless names etched onto golden plates disposed onto a wooden plaque.
The only reminder of the silent victims in the Night.
Who were these names that once breathed as I do?
What did they know? How did they live?
Roses embrace a glass vase. Another glimpse at the faceless names.
Purple balloons of hope drift slowly upward.
Will it matter that we “take back this night?”

I shiver in the gentle, warm air, soaking in the hideous numbers.
We chant. We march. We defy the night.
We utter the names of those we lost and lay the rose in its vase.
Noisy cars zoom past. Restaurants serve hot food on plates.
Lights gleam from distant buildings. The world evolves in its routine.
But we choose to seize this night — to relive their Hell as if it were our own.
Then, it is done.
We release our balloons. The candlelight goes out.
We slip quietly back into the darkness.
Oh God, will it matter that we “take back this night?”

“The Rape” of Mr. Smith
Unknown

The law discriminates against rape victims in a manner which would not be
tolerated by victims of any other crime.  In the following example, a
holdup victim is asked questions similar in form to those usually asked a
rape victim.

“Mr. Smith, you were held up at gunpoint on the corner of 16th & Locust?”
“Yes.”
“Did you struggle with the robber?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“He was armed.”
“Then you made a conscious decision to comply with his demands rather than
  to resist?”
“Yes.”
“Did you scream?  Cry out?”
“No.  I was afraid.”
“I see.  Have you ever been held up before?”
“No.”
“Have you ever given money away?”
“Yes, of course –”
“And did you do so willingly?”
“What are you getting at?”
“Well, let’s put it like this, Mr. Smith.  You’ve given away money in the
  past — in fact, you have quite a reputation for philanthropy.  How can
  we be sure that you weren’t  contriving  to have your money taken away
  from you by force?”
“Listen, if I wanted –”
“Never mind.  What time did this holdup take place, Mr. Smith?”
“About 11 p.m.”
“You were out on the streets at 11 p.m.?  Doing what?”
“Just walking.”
“Just walking?  You know that it’s dangerous being out on the street that
  late at night.  Weren’t you aware that you could have been held up?”
“I hadn’t thought about it.”
“What were you wearing at the time, Mr. Smith?”
“Let’s see.  A suit.  Yes, a suit.”
“An expensive suit?”
“Well — yes.”
“In other words, Mr. Smith, you were walking around the streets late at
  night in a suit that practically advertised the fact that you might be
  a good target for some easy money, isn’t that so?  I mean, if we didn’t
  know better, Mr. Smith, we might even think you were asking for this to
  happen, mightn’t we?”
“Look, can’t we talk about the past history of the guy who did this to
me?”
“I’m afraid not, Mr. Smith.  I don’t think you would want to violate his
  rights, now, would you?”

Naturally, the line of questioning, the innuendo, is ludicrous — as well
as inadmissible as any sort of cross-examination — unless we are talking
about parallel questions in a rape case.  The time of night, the victim’s
previous history of “giving away” that which was taken by force, the
clothing — all of these are held against the victim.  Society’s posture on
rape, and the manifestation of that posture in the courts, help account for
the fact that so few rapes are reported.

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, re-post it. It’s that important.

Note:
This goes for any gendered rape, male on female or female on male or female on female or FTM on MTF or non gendered to dual gendered and so on and so forth….

- author unknown

So today was my second day of my second first year of medical school. During today’s orientation, we had a lecture called “Campus Safety.” Thinking that this would be very similar to last year’s orientation lectures, I didn’t really think much of the topic. So when the talk on substance abuse quickly turned to sexual assault, I was a bit taken by surprise. The speaker gave some statistics which I already knew from my own research. Then they gave an example of a female’s account of her rape:

“When he was finally done, I just laid there. I either fell asleep or passed out. I woke to him touching my groin and telling me I was the best sex ever. I then got up and started dressing. He then called me a whore and slut and every other name he could think of. I went home. Showered. And did nothing. He called the next day as if nothing had happened and I just hung up.”

This is pretty much the same as my account. Almost verbatim. The rest of the lecture was a blur as one would expect. And while it is a good thing that the administrators are learning from their mistake of not addressing this issue the previous years, it was difficult for me to grasp that concept while it was happening.

The speaker also explained that “freezing, disassociation, or feeling threatened may interfere with fighting back and or fleeing.” THIS RIGHT HERE, THIS is the answer to, “Well, didn’t you fight back?”

The rest of the day went by with some sadness, but soon enough, the tears were gone. Looking back on the experience, I feel a huge sense of pride that my awful experience will have the potential to someday help someone else. Not only has this directly impacted the way that the medical school faculty view “personal safety,” but now almost 200 first-year medical and pharmacy students have been exposed to what rape is. Rape does not usually happen with someone attacking you on the street. 76% of the time, your attacker will be someone you know! Which CAN include a fellow med student. And you thought health care is unethical. How about RAPIST doctors?! What about that? Back to the point, the experience was not a pleasant one, but definitely one that turned out to be something I am glad I experienced. Here’s to hoping the rest of the week won’t be as emotionally disturbing!

I am continuing my PTSD therapy by listening to the audio recording that I make during my sessions. Previously, I have just given a detailed account of the rape to the best of my ability. I then have to listen to the tape every day or every other day in an environment where I can focus and feel as though I am reliving the experience. I have to record my levels of anxiety before and after and some other levels of emotion that I am feeling. This time at therapy, I made a recording in which I only spoke about my feelings–what was happening inside of me rather than what was happening to me. Making this tape was more difficult than the previous tapes. I realized that I was not able to focus as much on this tape. In the first story, I tell my feelings as I see them now. In the second, I focus on the fear that I felt during the rape. I had trouble identifying with the fear that I felt. For example, I start out with “I am confused,” when that really means, “I am fearful because I think I know what is going to happen and I am afraid that it will.” Anyway, I will keep track here of my numbers and whatever it is that I feel like writing about after listening.

Today I feel a combination of emotions:  sad, apathetic, angry about what happened, disappointed in my inability to handle this, unmotivated to keep getting better because of my lack of progress in the past few days. Yesterday was his birthday. I felt so sad and angry knowing that he was probably enjoying his day, while I am suffering because of something that he did to me. I did not choose this. I have been thinking about the unfairness of it all. I know life is not fair, but in situations like this, it is difficult to accept. I feel like giving up and just pushing all of this out. I am so tired of always thinking about it and letting it consume my life. I want to be free  from this.

For the past 2 days, I have been trying to accept more what happened and make it a positive thing. I have been reinforcing the idea that this happened to me to test my faith and make me stronger. Because of this event, maybe I will succeed in dealing with a future problem in a way that I could not have if this had not happened. I have been reminded to see the good in life and stop focusing on the negative aspects of my changed life.

After listening to the tape, I feel a little anxious because I avoided the situation today. Listening and bringing back the memory made me bring out my feelings about the attack. I feel a bit unfocused because I tried to block the event from my memory. I know this is bad, but I did not really want to deal with it today. I know there will be many days like this to come. I need to work on letting what happened to me become a part of who I am rather than shutting it out and forgetting about it.