from: Daisy Buchanan
to: Jordan Baker
date: Sun, Mar 1, 2009 at 5:38 AM
subject: hi — this contains no actual information.. scroll to bottom for summary
hi. i am not sleeping, thus i will probably not wake up for church.
unless i never fall asleep. in which case i’m sure i will be a big
ball of delight. i’m not taking my sedative because my 1 (large) beer
+ my dose of celexa + sedative seems like it would be too much..
although it has been 4 hours since the alcohol. which i wasn’t
supposed to drink anyway. clearly it did NOT worsen the drowsiness..
instead it worsened the insomnia as it is now 5:18 and i am still
awake and have no interest in sleeping. so maybe i will take the
sedative. can you please come get puppy when you wake up (and peek in to
make sure i am breathing.. although i doubt the sedative would kill
me.. i’m sure people have done this before..OH! maybe this is the high
suicide rate when starting antidepressants? (ADDED NOTE: if i am not
breathing in the morning, i had no intention of killing myself)
because people take them and drink alcohol because they want to
CONTINUE THEIR NORMAL LIVES and then can’t sleep like ever so they
take sleeping pills and then they appear to have ODed but really they
were just trying to live their lives as normally as possible and NOT
be awake at now 5:23am when they have an entire day of church-going
and studying the next day because, you know, the goal is to not fail
out of med school.. and save your soul… but i can’t do that because
I WAS RAPED and as a result cannot sleep and need antidepressants and
sleeping medication and omg i had one beer so now i don’t know if i
can take sleeping medicine.. will now google it..excellent, first
result SEROQUEL-TREATMENT FOR BIPOLAR DISORDER.. wtf?! how do these
people who are bipolar or psychotic or whatever they are taking this
for stay awake?! it knocks me out in a second!! oh great..
schizophrenia too.. alright so don’t EVER read side effects of
medications.. trust your doctor.. it appears that by taking this drug
i can have tardative dyskinesia — uncontrollable movements of my
face, tongue, and other parts of the body which may be permanent.. or
neuroleptic malignant syndrome which is rare but potentially fatal..
and thank god that i don’t have dementia or am under 18 because i
would die and kill myself, respectively.. BUT GOOD NEWS! it says,
while you are taking this medication, limit your alcohol intake. i’m
assuming if it were a more serious side effect it would say something
stronger than that.. also i think they are speaking of the high
anti-psychotic dosage.. in which case i should be fine… why do i
have a question mark at the end of this.. oh right puppy..longest
parenthetical EVER)? he will probably be driving me insane whining at
the door. he always seems to NEED you in the morning. ugh i am so
tired.. yet i cannot sleep. at least i won’t wake up at 3am! or
5:30am! HA this is so NOT funny. anyway, i think i am going to make my
online journal public so if i do that i will send you the link or
something. blahhhhhhhhhh my body is going to collapse. my muscles feel
weak from typing. how pathetic. anyway, if you still want to go to
church without me, it is 11 or 11:30. if you go,
pray for my soul for not going. okay now i have ruined the flow of
this message because i took a break from this part of the note to add
that humungajunga parenthetical statement above. now i will be
going… i will summarize for you
1. STILL not sleeping at 5:35am
2. not waking up for church
3. please get puppy
4. you probably don’t need to check if i am breathing
5. i am taking my sleeping medication
6. I LOVE YOU! =)
