This is taken from www.mencanstoprape.org, a great informational site with many free resources. Check it out!
What to do if someone you know is raped. When someone says, “I was raped”:
1. Believe the person. It is not your role to question whether a rape occurred, but to be there to ease the pain.
2. Help the person explore the options. Don’t take charge of the situation and pressure rape survivors to do what you think they should do. That’s what the rapist did. Give them the freedom to choose a path of recovery that is comfortable for them, even if you’d do it differently. Remember, there is no one right way for a survivor to respond after being assaulted.
3. Listen to the person. It is critical that you let survivors in your lives to know that they can talk to you about their experience when they are ready. Some may not wish to speak with you immediately, but at some point during the healing process, it is likely that they will come to you for support. When that happens, don’t interrupt, or yell, or inject your feelings. Just open your ears to the pain of being raped. Your caring but silent attention will be invaluable.
4. Ask before you touch. Don’t assume that physical contact, even in a form of a gentle hug, will be comforting to survivors. Many survivors, especially within the first 5 weeks after assault, prefer to avoid sex or simple touching even with those they love and trust. Be patient and give them the space they need, and try your best not to take it personally. One way to signal to survivors that you are ready to offer physical comfort is to sit with an open posture and a hand palm up nearby.
5. Recognize that you have been assaulted, too. We can’t help but be hurt when someone we love is made to suffer. Don’t blame yourself for the many feelings you will likely have in response to learning that someone close to you has been raped. Sadness, confusion, anger, helplessness, fear, guilt, disappointment, shock, anxiety, desperation, compassion–all are common reactions for survivors and their significant others. Awareness of these emotions may ultimately help you to better understand survivors’ experiences and support them more effectively.
6. Never blame them for being assaulted. No one ever deserves to be raped–no matter what they wore, how many times they had sex before, if they were walking alone at night, if they got drunk, if they were married, or if they went to the perpetrator’s room. Even if survivors feel responsible, say clearly and caringly that being raped wasn’t their fault.
7. Get help for yourself. Whether you reach out to a friend, family member, counselor, religious official, or whomever, make sure you don’t go through the experience alone. Most rape crisis centers offer counseling for significant others and family members because they realize that the impact of rape extends far beyond the survivors. Keeping your feelings inside will only make you less able to be there for the survivors. Remember, getting help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness.
