Today didn’t go as badly as I expected. No panic attacks! Good news! There was a really awkward moment though. I have this thing that I need to know where he is if I know that he’s going to be in close proximity. So I spotted him early in the lecture without actually looking at him. Unfortunately, my peripheral vision has heightened and it doesn’t take much for me to find him. Anyway, when the class was over, I turned to Minerva sitting next to me. And I felt him staring at me. So I glanced in that direction, and he was. STARING at me. And he didn’t stop after we made eye contact. So I told Minnie that he was staring at me. She looked and said that he looked away, but awkwardly, like he was guilty of something. Imagine that!
It made me feel dirty and violated. And I still do when I think about it. At least he got rid of his disgusting beard. Hopefully future encounters will be less uncomfortable. Maybe someone needs to threaten him to stop looking at me. He doesn’t deserve that.
On another note, I had a not so good night of sleep last night. I am still taking Ambien, but for the past two nights I have woken up sometime during the night and remembered dreams that I had. This was much different from the first four nights where I just fell asleep quickly and woke up 8 hours later feeling well and rested. The sleep is still much better than without anything or with the Seroquel, so I guess this is still the best option. Hopefully it is the DST and will resolve itself soon. I did have a really good day today. Minnie and I were rebels and ate McDonald’s after our 3 hour lecture on how the world is becoming fat (and saw our professor coming out of the drive-thru). Irony? Yes. And then we overcame our motivational issues by rewarding ourselves with TV after certain amounts of studying! It was a great solution and more productive than most days.
We watched SVU tonight, which usually doesn’t bother me. That isn’t to say that it doesn’t affect me. It definitely does. Tonight’s episode was weird. The issue of her word vs. his word came up (male student vs. male teacher), and they automatically believed the accuser and arrested the teacher immediately. This does not happen in real life for adult female rape victims of adult male attackers. Acquaintance rape is a hard thing to prove. The journey down the road of pressing charges and prosecuting a rapist is very long and severely emotionally stressful. I wish that were different. I guess we just have to have faith that our attackers will somehow get what they deserve.
