Tom,
How could you? If cheating and lying was not bad enough, you had to go and do this. You walked back into my life after I had pushed you out. Why? The most disgusting part of that is that you did it as someone else. That one week, you acted as though you were some hero coming to save me from the hell-fires I was(n’t) in. Your words and actions towards me gave me every reason to believe that you were telling the truth, every reason to think that you really cared. Why didn’t I see through you? I trusted you. When you told me you were having problems with your girlfriend, I helped you understand your feelings. Why did you take advantage of that? I was clear about not wanting a physical relationship with you. Why didn’t you listen? Why didn’t you listen to me when I told you I didn’t want that? I wasn’t lying. I really didn’t. Did you feel me resisting? I know you did. Admit it. Why were you so shocked that I walked out your door? I was the one in shock. I felt like I had gone against everything that I believed. Why would I do that with someone who I knew was a compulsive liar and a horrible person? It took telling my story to a friend. And until that friend said that awful word, I didn’t know think of it like that. Then it hit me. Then I wondered, “What really happened last night?” And I knew. I knew that there was a part of me that died, that you killed. I blamed myself for a few days. I thought that maybe something that I did provoked you to do this. Conversations in my head went back and forth. Maybe I wasn’t assertive enough with my words. But you KNOW me. We were friends. You would know if I wasn’t willing to partake in such a thing. Did you feel entitled to take that part of me because of your sick jealousy? Jealousy doesn’t justify something, and those people you are jealous of? They ARE better than you, and always will be. Why? Because they don’t RAPE people. You know that. That night changed everything. Your manipulative ways have caused me to rethink my entire existence. But I will not let you control me. No. I live my life as I would. Yes, I hurt inside from the pain that you have caused, but it does not control me. Not one bit.
Daisy
